Does my spouse have to be my "best friend"?

I love officiating weddings. It's something that brings joy to my life.. an outlet for my creativity and a wonderful way to meet new people. I also love meeting people from varied backgrounds, cultures and value systems. That being said, I have come to learn that the term "best friend" has different meanings to each of us; an important distinction to some, an afterthought to others.

When I am creating a ceremony for a couple, I cannot make assumptions. Meeting with the couple and exploring their relationship together is imperative if I want their wedding to reflect who they are, not just what I see. Which brings me back to the term 'best friends'. If the couple is holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes, finishing each other's sentences.. I see best friends. But to some couples, this terminology is diminishing or elementary..just not refined or mature enough for them. "Don't use that term" demanded one couple, "we're more than friends". Another couple said, "we're not in high school anymore, please say that we're 'soulmates'."


I used to write vows including the terms 'soulmate', 'life partner' and 'best friend' quite frequently. I now ask each couple, outright, how they would categorize their partner. One bride said to me, "he is my touch stone, my buddy, my lover but not my best friend. My sister is my best friend."
Hmmm interesting. One very passionate groom expressed emphatically, "she is my best friend, but so is my mother". YOUCH
(the bride didn't like this very much!) I am a die hard romantic. I can't help it..I think that seeing your fiance as your best friend is the ultimate compliment.. a gift actually.


One would think being a romantic is a good thing, given my profession. Shouldn't the person who's uniting you in marriage love walks on the beach, romantic sunsets and red roses? Well, yes and no. The point being, your wedding is about YOU and your needs and beliefs..not mine. Of course I can't help but bring my own set of values to the table, but I must make a great effort to open my mind and my heart to what each couple shares about themselves.

This brings me to the big question... lovers, partners in life, spouses, and "best' friends.. are these terms interchangeable? I've learned that it depends on the couple. I used to think that using the term "best friend" in each ceremony was a given, but not so. The term 'friend' is defined quite variably. I personally believe a friend is far more than an acquaintance.
Someone you can count on, someone that loves you warts and all. But some people can meet a stranger in an elevator, have a brief conversation with them and have decidedly called them a 'friend'.

I will always listen and guide each couple towards the ceremony of their dreams. Soulmates, friends or 'best friends'.. they will be sharing their lives together and know each other best.